Ep 40 How to Cope with Worry, Fear and Anxiety Naturally with Pam Godbois, LICSW

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Does your excessive worry, fear or anxiety have you stuck? Is stress showing up in your body through pain, disease, or weight gain?  Your Mental Wellness has the ability to impact the body, mind & spirit negatively and it also means that you can create a positive holistic healing opportunity as well. 

In this episode, we will dive into how it all works. The nervous system and the brain, how it is connected to the body’s experience, and the best healing practices to actually feel amazing and get to healing. 

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @pamgodboiscoaching, or shoot me a DM if you want to chat more about today’s topic. 

In this episode you’ll hear:

• How stress is working against you and what you can do to counter that. 
• The principles of the mind, body and spirit connection. 
• Uncovering the secrets behind the fight or flight response and how to stop any misfiring (say goodbye to panic!) 
• The best practices to heal mind, body, and spirit.
• And so much more…

LINKS:

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The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Transcript

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Pamela 0:01

Welcome back to the out of your mind podcast, where we talk about stories, we gain an understanding of what it means to be stuck in the mind and how to change the story of the mind so that you can get unstuck and move and embrace your life and your journey so that you can move towards success. So whether you're an entrepreneur or not, that's what we're doing here on today's episode, we're gonna talk about. Worry, excessive worry, fear and anxiety, and how to overcome and heal each of those things from a nervous system perspective in the body, in the mind and in the spirit. So let's jump in. So. Many of you recognize that anxiety is a medical diagnosis, but it's also a term that we use to describe an experience, an emotional experience or condition that we may be struggling with diagnosed or not. So I'm not necessarily talking about a clinical diagnosis of anxiety here. It might be, you might have a clinical diagnosis of anxiety, but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about the emotional experience, what that does to the body and. What you can do about it. So first let me just start by sharing with you why this is so near and dear to me. So as a therapist, I have seen so many clients walk through my office with anxiety. They show up, they say, have I'm feeling anxious. I have all these stories around anxiety, and I need you to help me figure it out and heal it. And. I mean, that's part of my role as a therapist. Right. But here's the thing. I never knew what it actually felt like to be anxious. This is not the way I'm wired. I'm just not wired for anxiety. I'm not wired for nervousness. I, now I have a sister who I'm super close with and I love dearly. And she is like the nervous Nellie. She's an excessive warrior. She worries about everything and everyone and every story and you tell her something and she needs all the updates and she needs to know all the things because her mind just goes and creates these stories. If not, and I live on the other end of the spectrum. I'm like you told me the information. And then I kind of root it down into the earth and turn it over and let something larger than myself. Take care of it. And that has allowed me to not live in anxiety, but it's also, you know, caused some problems in relationships, right? When somebody says to you, Hey, have this major thing going on this major health complication or this major worry, they kind of expect you to like check back in with them. And I am terrible at that. So if you're listening and you're like, shit, that bitch, she did that to me. Sorry. It's not about you. It's nothing personal. It is absolutely a trust and a faith and something larger than myself is taking on the issue and going to resolve it. And so that's kind of why I live my life. The way that I do is that's a space that I come from. That's where I exist. So why am I talking about it then? If this is not a place where I live, why am I talking about it? Because I know that now let me just clarify. That does not mean that I've ever experienced fear. That does not mean that I've never been worried about something that does not mean that I don't experience overwhelm. It just means that I don't hang onto it. I have a way of clearing it out and that's what makes me the expert, right? Is Not that I just don't naturally feel anxious because I definitely don't naturally feel anxious, but there are definitely things that create in me an exaggerated stress response, and I just manage it differently and what's really interesting is in all my years, as a therapist, I have like probably two primary types of. Anxious depressed, overwhelmed, stressed patients that I've worked with, one who experience the anxiety and it consumes them. From a mental health perspective. So from a mental perspective, they come in talking about excessive worry, anxiety, stress overwhelm how they can't work through the problems, how they feel on edge all the time. You know, they talk about all the, the symptoms that show up in essentially the DSM five, right? The diagnosis that says, yes, this is anxiety. They live in that space. That's where they exist. They worry about everything. Then I have the. Group. And it's about even of individuals that show up with other health complaints, they show up with Crohn's disease. They show up with digestive health issues, autoimmune diseases. They show up with diabetes, heart conditions lung problems, like different types of lung issues. Essentially all of their stress and anxiety has attached itself to the body. So they may show up struggling with a medical condition and needing support. And they're not walking around worried about the medical condition. They're not stressing about a surgery that's coming up. They are seemingly okay. On the surface, but their system is starting to crumble. And so that may something for you to consider. Right? You may be listening to this thinking, like, I don't feel like I'm necessarily anxious all the time, but there's this component of like, my system's starting to crumble and so. As I started to realize that later in my counseling career, right later, as a therapist, I started realizing like I was a yoga teacher and I was doing energy work. And I was teaching people, meditation, and looking at the energy centers and moving energy and all of those things. And I started to realize, Hey, we hang onto other people's stuff and we can hang onto our own stuff. And and stuff from like our parents and people before us. And that can show up as disease. And I remember going to this training, well, my first yoga teacher training there was a yoga teacher that came in from New York city and he was talking about The way that he teaches yoga, essentially. And in that conversation about the way he teaches yoga, he was talking about how finding ease in the body, right? It's one of the things we talk about in yoga all the time. If you ever practice yoga, you know, you're like find the ease, find the balance between the effort and ease and ease, ease, ease, ease. We're always trying to find ease because we live our day to day is like a place of effort. And what he said was when your body. Is in dis ease, like not ease. It creates for a long period of time. It creates disease. And he said this, and I remember I was laying on the, on my yoga mat in a spine twist with my arms out, in like a tea position, straight out from my sides. And I was like, holy shit. Like my mind was blown, like a little mind blown emoji, right? And it was years later in a training on the nervous system where I started to gain, understanding about why that is right, because stress creates inflammation. So dis disease creates inflammation and we have inflammation short term. Right. Maybe you get injured. So that could be dis-ease right. Maybe you like if you've ever fallen and. Or tripped and like hurt your foot or hurt your ankle. And you're like, oh, that feels uncomfortable. And you put some ice on it and you rest it and it heals and it does. It's fine. Right? So the, that DISE heals gets healed and then that clears away or maybe it sort of heals and maybe you're somebody like me. I fell down the stairs a few years ago. More than a few years ago, six years ago, I think. And I didn't fall down the stairs. I was rushing out the front down the front steps to take my daughter to ice skating. We were running late. I had my winter boots on and my winter boots zipped up on the inside, like the inner ankle zipped and I didn't have them zipped. And so as I ran down the stairs, I missed a step or two bottom, two steps. I think I had a coffee in my hand. I'm not really sure. I had something in my hand and I couldn't see, and I landed. I fell and I landed. And when I landed, I rolled my ankle and this was on a Saturday. And on Monday morning, we were flying out from Boston to San Diego for 10 days. And our plan was to. Explore the city and walk around and go to the beach. And, you know, we were going to Lego land for my daughter's. I think it was eighth birthday. I don't remember exactly. I think it was eighth birthday and I couldn't fit my foot into a sneaker. So I walked, I don't know. I would say probably 30 miles in flip flops on a spring bank. Now that's a really good example of not allowing the dis-ease to heal. And as a result of the not clearing away, the not healing that dis-ease became a more long-term issue, which. By the way began when I was in third grade and I refused to tie my shoe laces, cuz it was really uncool to like tie your shoes. You just like tied knots on the sides and the ends of your laces. So your sneakers were loose and running on the playground. I stepped on a rock and rolled my foot, same exact thing I did walking down the stairs only, you know, different and had the same injury. And I was on crutches for like, I don't know how long and had to eat lunch in the nurse's office and all the things and But same thing. And I'm sure as a kid, as a third grader, I was not like, oh, you know what, I'm gonna rest this up. Make sure it heals real well, of course not. Right. I was get on my foot and run as, as soon as I possibly could. So then that becomes a chronic issue. I've rolled that ankle so many times at this point. And then I started doing the work and actually healing it, but that came later. So it it's easy for dis-ease. To clear away. If you let it heal, it's also easy for disease to become chronic inflammation. And when that chronic inflammation, if you've ever had like a low back injury, and then you just feel like God, my low back bothers me all the time. Feel like it's inflamed. And then maybe you go to the chiropractor, you get treatment somewhere. And they talk about like icing it and reducing inflammation and eating an, an anti-inflammatory diet, or maybe as you age your joints and that kind of stuff. All of that inflammation. Comes as a result of dis disease in your system. And that dis-ease can come from physical things like falling down the stairs, or it can come from emotional things like stress, anxiety, overwhelm, chronic emotional struggles can create chronic inflammation and chronic inflammation creates disease. Chronic inflammation is also linked. To Alzheimer's. So if you're like, oh, that's fine. I don't have to really do this work. If you've ever seen somebody suffer at the end of life with Alzheimer's, you might wanna think again, right? Nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. So, and you might, if you're, if you have a trauma history and you're like, oh my God, I have a trauma history. I'm totally screwed. That's not the case. That's why we're here. It doesn't matter if your dis-ease is falling down the stair. or your dis disease is growing up in a household with an alcoholic or your dis disease is abuse or your dis disease is domestic violence or your dis disease is just kind of being wired anxiously, which by the way, comes from our mother. So I always joke, like this is a total joke, so take it for what it is, but you know, Freud's whole thing is like, it's always the mother's fault. And I, as a therapist for a long time, I'm like, yeah, Ford, wasn't totally off. And part of that is just because if we, as women, while we have a child in utero are experiencing excessive amounts of anxiety, those chemical messengers get released into our own bloodstream and also into the bloodstream of our child. And so early on pre-birth that fetus, that child is is starting to get a slew of stress hormones in their system, STR hormones that maybe don't resolve themselves. So let's talk about that a little bit. Okay. So there's this lovely little area of your brain called the amygdala. And the amygdala's job is to be the smoke alarm and essentially right. To use a, an analogy that we're all pretty familiar with. The smoke alarm's job is to let us know that there's smoke, but smoke doesn't always equal fire, right. It just says, oh shit, there's smoke. We're gonna go off. So. When it's a smoke alarm in your house, it's kind of annoying when it's your amygdala. It can very easily kick you into the fight or flight response when you don't need to be there. So let's explore that a little bit more. So, you know, the smoke alarm's job. Is to say, oh, there's smoke, right? But sometimes you open the oven that you haven't cleaned and you, last time you cooked in it, you dripped cheese in the bottom and it's kind of burnt now. And you open the oven, a little bit of smoke comes out and then the smoke alarm goes off and it's annoying. You wave a towel at it and it chills out and you say, oh, I should really clean that oven. And then you don't and then you do it again. And you smoke alarm goes. And you wave the towel at it and you get it to clear and you keep doing this over and over again. And you're training, like the smoke alarm, our smoke alarm don't have aren't smart. Right. They don't have the ability to be like, oh, actually she's done this like 15 times now. So I'm pretty sure it's not a fire, but you're amygdala does your amygdala does have the ability to say, oh, false alarm. Oh, false alarm. Oh, false alarm. Right. And so it takes information from now, like the smoke in your kitchen. And the past, like the fact that it wasn't a fire and you used the towel to clear it out and it stopped beeping pretty quickly. It takes both of those components of information. And when it takes both of those components of information, it then decides. And lets, you know, if you are at risk or not, the problem is if you've experienced trauma or high levels of stress in your. Or you're prone to excessive worry. You are much more likely to kick the amygdala on which kicks you into the fight or flight response or fight flight or freeze. If you have ever. Once you're kicked into the fight or flight response, you have the opportunity to close the cycle to settle things. Or to kind of, it's kind of like a layered system, right. To kick into full blown, like, shit, I need all this stuff. And so I can run or being chased by a saute tiger. Somebody's trying to steal my purse or whatever. Like have you ever been startled? And you're like, oh my God. Right. That's the amygdala going maybe? And then, okay. And we see that show up in like, you're driving down the road and somebody almost hits you. And you're like, and you're like like, oh my God, like driving on the highway and you get like a little, like your heart flutters a little, and you're like, woo. And you get a little sweaty, but you are still with it. You're still conscious. You're still like, you're not hyper focused on anything. You're just kind of like P and because then the car goes and does its own thing and there isn't a wreck and you're okay. And, but like maybe for a few seconds, you're like a little hypervigilant. You're a little bit like, well, I'm gonna get away from that guy. I'm gonna back up a little bit and slow down. I'm gonna just give him space because, because your mind starts going. Like that guy just cut me off like that. He's gonna cut the next person off and that car's gonna roll. And you have all this like idea of all these things are gonna happen in your head. But if you've never been in that before then your system, your nervous system is going to pull out of that pretty quickly. Now, if you have been in a situation like that before, and there was an accident and the cars were rolling and there was a big thing then chances are you are going to get kicked further into the fight or flight. And when you get kicked further into the fight or flight response, you get a kick of adrenaline and you get cortisol. Cortisol is essentially glucose. And so that, and it fuels, it goes to the areas that you need. So if the area of the brain that decides what you're getting and where you're getting it decides you need to run, it's going to send the glucose to your leg muscles so you can. Maybe it's your lung so that you can breathe. If it says you're gonna fight, it might send the glucose to different areas of the body, your arms, your legs, still, maybe your lungs, so that you can breathe all those things. But the idea is that it's fuel, it's fuel for you to either run or fight Now, if you have anxiety, if you're somebody that experiences anxiety and your nervous system is kicked into this a lot, what starts to happen is it views everything as a threat. So like you're amygdala. Have you ever had one of those smoke detectors that like, we have one right now and it'll probably go off in like 10 seconds now that I'm talking about it, swear to God it's. There's like, it listens to me, but not really. But one that like, there's nothing going on. There's no issues. There's no smoke. There's no nothing, but it just goes off at like two o'clock in the morning for no fucking reason at all. When you have a trauma history, when you worry excessively on the regular, when you experience excessive amounts of anxiety, your amygdala becomes like that 2:00 AM smoke alarm that goes off for no reason. So you hear a noise and you get kicked into a fight or flight response. You're walking around everywhere. You go hyper vigilant, always looking and expecting that danger is coming your way. You hear a car back fire on the street. And instead of being like, whoa, a car back fired, you're like dropping to the grounded army crawling to get away from the noise. So you're, there is something more going on here that most of the people around you are not experiencing. That is a miswiring that happens because of your experience. Cuz remember the amygdala makes its decisions based on experience and present circumstance. And so if your experience is powerful enough, like if you have, if you experience post traumatic stress disorder, If your experience is powerful enough, it overpowers the current moment for the amygdala. So the amygdala can't see that there's no smoke. The amygdala. Can't see that it's a car backfiring, the amygdala can't see that you're perfectly safe and at home and the doors are locked and there's people around you and nobody's going to hurt you. It can't see that it can only see past experience. The beautiful thing about this two, two things, right? So one of the things about the fight or flight response is that it is a cycle and one component. So there's like the trigger, which is the smoke, and then the alarm goes off, right? So there's the trigger the event. And then there's the thoughts associated with the event, which says like, Turn the alarm on no, don't turn the alarm on. We're safe. And then those create an emotional experience, an emotional experience fuels whatever's going on. And then you have a, like a reaction. Then you have like the, the ability to run or fight. Now as humans, we tend to go, Ooh, that was stressful. Now I'm gonna eat a pin of Ben and Jerry's instead of my. But what the fight or flight response actually requires is a closing of the cycle. And you close the cycle by burning through the cortisol, the sugar, which means you actually have to burn through it. So how do you burn through cortisol? How do you burn through glucose in the body? You move, you run some laps around your house. You do some jumping jacks, you hit a, a, like a heavy bag or a speed bag. Right. You have to close this cycle. It doesn't have to be violent doesn't you don't have to like be punching something you don't have to be, but you have to actually use the glucose. Otherwise your body goes, you're not gonna use this or we'll just store it for later. And it drops it in the region. That is the easiest to access is the abdomen. So if you're like, gosh, I've had wicked anxiety and my stress level's been up and I've put on some weight, you're probably experiencing the fight or flight response, not closing the cycle. Right. It's the reason why you don't see like overweight animals. I mean, you do, but like not out in nature. Like if a Zebra's being chased by a, by a lion it runs to get away from the lion and then the cycle closes and then they're not experiencing anxiety. So the other side of this is that when you don't burn through the, the glucose, when you don't burn through and, and utilize the adrenaline, what starts to happen. As anxiety starts to creep in worry, starts to creep in, right. It starts to impact your thoughts, your thinking it's all messed up. So number one, close the cycle. If you can, number two, you have that's the sympathetic nervous system, right? You also have this part of the nervous system called the parasympathetic nervous system. And sorry, I'm geeking out on this. And we will get to like, what are the things that you can do, but like I could geek. On this for like the next three years, cuz it's so interesting to me and I love it and it's what I teach all the time. So, so the parasympathetic nervous system is also called rest and digest. Right? That's the place like if you've gone to a yoga class and you've had a really great practice and you get to the end and you lay in Shavasana and you're like, ah, You just like melt or you've had a really good massage that just kind of cleared out all the gunk and the stuff in your body and energetically, or like you've been to the spa or I've had a a manicure or a pedicure or whatever. You've had some sort of a body treatment that just at the end, you're just like, ah, right. And the whole, the muscles soften and you just kind of relax. That is the rest and digest. That is the parasympathetic nervous system activating. So often, oftentimes I'll hear people say calming the nervous system or something like that, but really it's an activation of the other part of the nervous system. So, which is good because it's easier to do something than to make something stop. Right. So like, when people say all the time, I've been hearing this forever, like, especially like you just have to let it go, like, how do you let it go? You don't let it go. Letting go is like, is like, is the negative, right? It's like releasing and that's so much harder than accepting. Right? So radical acceptance is the, is the key to letting go. It's something that you can actively do. Something that you can move towards is something that you can, you know, have more of. So, sorry, side note. So. So the idea here is that you want to find more opportunities to be in rest and digest. So if you're somebody that's anxious, that worries that lives in fear that always sees like kind of the worst case scenario, the more that you can spend time, that's an indication by the way that you're spending a lot of time in the fight or flight response, you're spending a lot of time in the sympathetic thinking part of the nervous. You will need to spend more time in the rest and digest the relaxation part of the nervous system, which by the way, television does not do so. People say to me, like, what do you do to relax? I just binge Netflix that does not kick you into the rest and digest. It just does not how the nervous system works. It's stimulating the brain. Keeps you in the sympathetic nervous system keeps you in the area of the brain that is responsible for fight or flight. So if you're using TV to relax, knock it off. Okay. So from here it was opportunity to move into the rest and digest. So how do you do that? Well, there's a couple of different ways to do that. One is to use breath practices. If you've ever like done breathing exercises in yoga And learning breath practices to actually activate the parasympathetic nervous system. And this is when, if you like close your eyes and take some deep breaths and maybe you've been to therapy for anxiety. And you've had a therapist say to you, like when you're feeling anxious, just take 10 deep, 10 deep breaths. And you're like, that shit don't work. It's probably because you just haven't been taught how to do it. It actually does work. It's very effective. But early on in my career, before I was teaching yoga, I used to hear people say that to me all the time. And I was. What, how do you, I don't understand. This is how is this helpful? And I was hearing from patients, this isn't helpful. So then I started teaching them how, not just what, but how to walk through and actually calm the nervous system or activate the the rest and digest the parasympathetic nervous system. So breathing exercises is one way to. Another way to do that is with, like I said, body work now, why does this work? So there's this nerve in the body and you may have heard of this and you can look it up and do some research on it. Yourself. There's tons of books out there called the vagus nerve and the VA nerve is responsible for taking all of the somatic experiences. That's the physical experiences. That's the sensory experiences in the body and bringing that information back to the brain and you, so you can use those. To activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is why you can feel lovely and melty after a massage, or you can feel lovely and melty after a facial or a, a pedicure or a manicure or any other kind of body work or energy work. Right. If you've ever had really amazing energy work and I've had a session recently, that was really amazing. And I'll share that a little bit about that with you, but when you. Actually activate the parasympathetic nervous system through the body. It's much easier to maintain that state. So breath work physical touch, and you can use tapping like you've ever done like EFT tapping. There's lots of different ways that you can do this. Meditation can also be really effecti. Because it's training the brain and we'll talk about that. Meditation is actually one of the most effective for everything because it re actually rewires the brain. But so why am I saying this? Why am I saying, you know, to counteract being in the sympathetic nervous system, just going to the parasympathetic nervous system? Well, the nervous system is like a light switch. You cannot be in both at the same time, and I'm not talking about like a cool 20, 22 dimmer light switch that does all sorts of fancy things. I'm talking about like 1970s, it's either on or it's off. There's nothing in between. You can either be in the sympathetic nervous system or the parasympathetic nervous system. And you know this because if you've ever done a yoga class that didn't. Provide sensory input to your body that you needed, the somatics that you needed in that moment, that, and you're walked in stressed or anxious. Then by the time you got to the end of the class for Shavana, your brain was going a million miles a minute. And you're like, oh, what is wrong with me? That I can't relax today? Well, so you didn't actually move yourself into the parasympathetic. That's it that's all that it is. It's just like, oh, I didn't flip the light switch. And so when you start to think about it like that, like, okay, so what do I need to do? I need to flip the light switch. Okay. What are the things that I can do to flip the light switch? I can move my body. I can have body work or some sort of somatic experience from a body perspective. So tapping self massage Like I said, me, you know, getting a massage, a facial a pedicure, any kind of thing where you're having the opportunity for the power of touch. The other thing that can be really helpful is just like touch in your own experience. So it could be like hugging your child hugging your spouse, hugging a parent or a friend. Right? All of those things can, the hugging and the breathing can kind of help to bring you back into param. Those things also work in the middle of a panic attack. If you're somebody who experiences panic attacks. So the most effective tools that you can use to manage this will impact the body. So moving movement, body work, somatic, experiencing something. Energetics or like the spiritual playing or component because everything's energy and the mind, which is your thoughts, your beliefs, your old stories. You have to work on all of these areas. You can't just work on one. You can't just be like, oh, I just decided that I'm gonna start running. And now I don't have to do any of the other work that doesn't work. And it might work in the short term because it's when you start running and you're achieving things and you're hitting a runner's high and you're having these positive experiences, you're getting a flood of neurotransmitters that makes you feel good. But eventually that starts to wear off and you need more than. And you cannot do this work if you don't know who you are. And so the practice of meditation mindset work when I talk about, so I talk about manifestation a lot, but when I talk about manifestation, manifestation is the practice that prepares the body, the mind and the spirit to receive abundance, to receive all the good things, the positive feelings, the positive experiences, the positive outcomes. All the things that you want. That's what manifestation does. It's a practice. It's a mindset practice. It's a clearing away of the old gunk of the old garbage of the old the old thoughts, the old beliefs, the stories that no longer serve you, right? The stuff that is triggering or kicking you in to the fight or flight. These practices, including the practice of manifestation when done correctly, which is not always done correctly, by the way. But when done correctly and utilizing kind of this, the science of the body, it can be a really, really powerful practice on your healing journey. And so just to list some of the things. That are really beneficial tools in all of these. I'm not gonna listen to any specific order and, and I'm not gonna like go in deeper if there's more that you want on it. I can certainly do that, but basically here's a list of the tools that I teach and that I use all the time. So meditation is an absolute for me. I am an add brain more than an ad brain, but like, I have a D D and my brain is all over the place. And so meditation is the practice that started grounding me, started getting me into the present moment. This allowed me to experience my experiences precisely as they are, and not rooted in old stuff. And that happens for all of us. So we have anxiety or not. We experience the world based on our experiences, right? So our current world is, and how we experience it is based on our past experiences. We've ever had a moment. I had this conversation with my husband the other night and he had said to me, I was in a meeting and he had said to me, like, are you almost off? Are you almost done? Is it almost over? And I was like, no. And it was a, a meeting that I was learning in. It was like a, I was on a part of James Wedmore's next level. And I, so I'm in that. And I'm listening to this, this content. and he wants to know like, are you almost done? Are you almost done? Are you almost done? And he wasn't being a pain in the ass about it. He just was curious. He didn't know what time the meeting got out. Neither did I. And so I got off the call and I was irritated. I was like instantly irritated with him. And I went out and I said, Hey, these are the things that I need from you in order for me to do this thing. And he was like, okay, no problem. And it wasn't until later that night that I realized when. Marley was little. And I had therapy practice, both in town and prior to being in the town that I live in, like when I was in another town, he would say, what, time's your last session? And I would say five, o'clock say right. And so he had decided that meant that I should be home when I, my office was not in town, that I would be home at five at so five o'clock session. I'd be out by six. I'd be home by six 30 for a half an hour drive. And I was. And then I would come home at like 6 45 or like 10 minutes of seven. He'd be like, where have you been at work? What the fuck do you mean? Where have I been? And he used to do the same thing in town. Like when I was in town, he would like, literally, cuz I like honestly, a quarter mile away from my house was my office. And so I would get up done with the session at six o'clock and he like 6 0 3, he'd be texting me. Where are you? Like I'm writing my notes. I'm PA closing up the office. I was just scheduling another appointment with my next, with my client. Somebody I had to return a phone call. Right. Like shut the fuck up. Right. That was, that was where I always went to. And because early on he did mean like, where are you basically? I'm here parenting this kid and you need to hurry up and get. That's not where he is anymore. She's 13. And that's not where he is in his own journey, but I was able to say to him, like the next night after that conversation, I said, Hey, so I just wanna share with you an insight that I realized that I was irritated with you last night, even though it had nothing to do with you, even though it wasn't about how you presented, it was nothing about the current circumstance. It's not who you are. It's not what you do or say. But it brought me back to those early days when I would be working, busting my ass at a 14 hour day. And you would be like, why are you 10 minutes late? And he was like, yeah, yeah, I could see that. I could see you being irritated about that. So it was just kind of an interesting, right. This is, but this is what happens to all of us. It happens. We're like, okay, here we. So, so meditation has really helped with that. So meditation journaling is a great place to process and get to know who you are. Learn about yourself a little bit more connect with yourself a little bit more body work, any sort of body work or movement massage energy work. So Reiki or least some sort of healing can be really beneficial. And I'll talk about that in a moment. And then. Spiritual work. So prayer, if you're somebody that prays prayer kind of getting some input, so asking questions and allowing the answers to come to you you can use like daily readings for that kind of stuff. You can use cards. If you're somebody that wants to pull cards, I happen to have a deck of card sitting on my desks of Oracle cards. And so sometimes I'll use those. And so just allowing yourself to kind of be open to the messages that are showing up. And then finally the mind you have to do the mind work. You can't get around it. There's no way around it. If you're experiencing anxiety, excessive worry, fear, overwhelm stress, you can't get around the mind. The mind is what is creating for you. Your reality it's what's what's happening on the inside is what's creating the outside. So if your relationships are shitty right now, if you're in conflict, if you hate your job if you hate the people in your life, or if everything's amazing and wonderful, it's got nothing to do with having the perfect job or having the perfect partner or having per the perfect children or having the perfect scenario or having the perfect amount of money or any of that kind of stuff it has to do with the way in which you view. And so the very first thing is understanding how the brain works, which is why we talked about sympathetic, parasympathetic, the amygdala, the fight, or flight response and the rest and digest response and all those things. It's why we talked about that stuff. And then you get to do something about it. And so how do you change the way that you feel or experience the world? Well, you change your beliefs. How do you change your beliefs by changing your thought? You have to be willing to look at the thought that is showing up in your own head and say, is this thought serving me? It doesn't matter if it's true, by the way. So like, if your say your thought is I'm lazy and I'm not capable of starting a business, let's just say right. Cause I talk about businesses all the time. So let's just say, that's your thought. It doesn't matter if. If you're like, well, it's true. I am lazy. And here's all the evidence that I'm lazy because that's not an actual truth. That's a belief. It's a belief that you're not capable. That you're lazy, that you're not smart enough that you don't know enough that you're not that nobody will listen to you, that you too soft spoken. Whatever your story is, it is a belief and it showed up as a result of thinking that same thought. Over and over and over, and then it's solidified into a belief and now it's ruling your world. And if you wanted to stop ruling your world, then you've gotta do something about it. You've gotta decide that it's time to change. So to go back to energetics for one moment, I had an energy session yesterday and what was really kind of cool when you're talking about energy sessions with a really good capable energy worker is I've been having. My entire life, like, let's be honest. I'm 45 years old and probably for 43 years, I've had back problems. I've had low back pain and I was a figure skater. So there was a lot of like falling on the ice and compression and all that kind of stuff. And then like doing Bendi things that my body shouldn't have been doing with no understanding of the biomechanics of anatomy. Cause I certainly didn't understand that when I was 12 years old and grabbing my foot while I was spinning on the ice But that created lots of issues and I've always had like, I know the body really well, because that's a lot of the work that I've done. As a yoga teacher is to understand the biomechanics and how things move and how things work and what that creates. And now I understand the energetics and I understand how that impacts. And so I've done a lot of my own healing and I just really felt like my first two chakras my root cha around my C cha were just like junk. They were just like junked up something was going on. And I always had this image that if I could just like it brings me back to like the back to the future. I think. The second one where his dad is in those like boots and he's hanging upside down. Cause he's in traction. I, I have this like image of like, if I could just hang upside down by these boots, my spine would get longer. And that like, that would decompress. This is the image I always had that I just needed to decompress it, that I needed to like create more space that I needed to pull things apart. And so I went in for this energy session and she said, oh my goodness. So she talked to all the energy centers and she said, First two chakras, your lowest two chakras, your root and your SAC chakra are like compacted. They're like they're strong, but they're like compacted and small and they don't line up with the energy of all the other ones. And so as she's doing this work, she's like, and I feel like you're the muscles around. It are super tight. And so she just used energy. She did not touch me. She used energy to like create space in the muscles and I actually. The muscles have you ever had like clothes, like wet clothes on you and you're like peeling them off or you move and it peels off the skin, that feeling of the separation of the wet shirt from the skin. That's what the experience felt like with my muscles. They were like peeling a wet, like the layers, like the tension in the muscle was just like kind of letting go and peeling away. It's all the muscles all around my PEL. Front back, outer hips down my legs, all these things, all these, all this space, all this space, all this space, all this space being created and what she was doing energetically. She did that. And then she was creating space. She made those first two shoppers, a little wider, a little, little like more space, a little more space around the vertebrae. Energetically. So their energy could flow in and around. She didn't change, move anything in my body. It wasn't like weird voodoo shit. It was just not that voodoo. Shit's weird, but you know what I mean? Like, it wasn't like a, like, she didn't do anything physically to me, she used energy to help heal the areas of my body that were really kind of stuck. And I don't have any more pain and those muscles that I could not get to release through bowel rolling and trigger point. All the different things that I do have now. And so that's just my little story of like, if you don't think, if you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Energy. That's like way too. Woo. For me, it's something to consider. It's something to understand everything is energy. And when we can lean into the energy that is of service to us. And I talk about that as the energy of manifestation then what we're doing is we're creating a vibration and that is aligned with who we wanna be. And maybe that means it's aligned with joy and happiness and connection and confidence and self respect. And self-reliance self-esteem right. Those are the opposite of those things. Like anxiety, excessive worry, and fear. So choose where to start, because you can start at any place. And if you're really. Really wanting to do this work. If you're really ready to dive into your journey, I have a brand new program that was just released yesterday, called, aligned, and aligned is a 30 day challenge that prepares the body, mind and spirit. To line up with the energy of abundance through the practice of manifestation. And so just like in this podcast and just like in the work that I do, I literally walk you through step by step. I explain things. I give you examples. I tell stories and I give you a practical exercise or tool. or practice that you can do on a daily basis. And there's also a 30 days worth of journaling prompts and meditations that you can add in to kind of move you in the direction you wanna be moving in. So if you're ready to do this work, I will just say that this program, if you were to do this with me, one on one, Would be thousands and thousands of dollars. This 30 day challenge. These practices. These are the practices that I use. They're the practices that I've taught in therapy. They're the practices that I've taught in coaching. And I continue to teach in coaching that are the foundation of wellness. They are the foundation of creating for yourself, the person and the life that you desire. and for 30 days, the price is less than a cup of coffee at dunks. So I will link that up in the show notes, check it out. It might be the perfect place for you to start. Right guys, if there's anything about this episode that you want to call out to comment on or to share, like find me on Instagram. I have a ton of free content there. If you don't already follow me where I talk about all of this stuff, this is the content that I post on my Instagram. @pamgodboiscoaching And I would love to see you there. And if you do find me on Instagram from the podcast, make sure you tell me that. Let me know, like, Hey, I just listened to your podcast. Would love to hear it. Thanks guys. Have an amazing rest of your day and I will see you soon.