Episode 55: How to Stop Judging and Actually Achieve Your Goals in the New Year

The New Year is a great time to make changes to your approach to achieving your goals. Why not get a bit of help in the process?
 
As an Expert in treatment planning and goal planning, We have put together a 3 part series for you to move beyond the barriers, shift your thoughts and take action toward your dreams.

In this episode we dive into the best strategy to stop judging your success and failure, and how to see it all from a new for successful perspective. The power of the mind!

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @pamgodboiscoaching, or shoot me a DM if you want to chat more about today’s topic. 

LINKS:

Ask your Questions to be Answered On the Podcast

Join us Now: ALIGNED: 30 Days of Realigning the Body, Mind & Spirit

Facebook Group For Moms: The Messy Truth: Moms on the Path of Rediscovery

Connect with me:  Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok. 

If you’re like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!!  https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. Be sure to tune in next week.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Transcript

0:00

Welcome back to the out of your mind podcast. On today's episode, we are going to dive back in. We're going to get to step two. Of the three-step process. To achieve your goals in the new year. So yesterday's episode, we talked all about non-attachment right. Not attaching to how you're going to get there at this point, but just setting the goals of where you want to go to. Setting goals, one in each area of your life. And then starting to shift your automatic thinking. That drops you into kind of the all or nothing framework. So today is all about. Finding the middle ground. It's about finding the balance and aiming for something different than what you've aimed for previously. So let's dive in. One of the struggles that we have as human beings. Is that. We. Have a perception. We have a story in our head. About what it means to succeed and what it means to fail. And when we fail, we make that mean something about ourselves. And when we succeed, we make that mean something about ourselves. But what if you just decided that your. Failure or success. And we're going to put this on a scale. We're going to give it a percentage. What if you just decided that it was just a number. Just a metric to help you understand. Where you're at and what you need. Instead of using it to judge yourself. Back in the day when most of us were growing up. The metric. Was whether you got the award. Whether you got an, a. How perfect your behavior was, you were asked or a request was made of you to be on your best behavior and you were on your best behavior. And so you got rewarded for being on your best behavior, or you were not on your best behavior. So you got a consequence for not being on your best behavior, right? All or nothing. Not I don't know about you, but my parents ever said to me like, Hey, you did this thing really well. You struggled here. Let's see how I can support you in that. But I'm really proud of all these other things. That never happened. It was like all or nothing either. You're perfect. Or basically you sucked. Now. This is not because, and for most of us, it's not because we have parents or caregivers. That don't want what's best for us. As a matter of fact, it's the exact opposite they want what's best for us. And so they're trying to teach us, or we're trying to teach us. Using the strategies that they had, which at the time. We're not always super effective in helping us to move towards our goals. And achieve our dreams in a way that feels really good to us now as adults, and that felt supportive and loving as kids. What do we do instead? If you have the choice to either achieve a hundred percent. Or zero, which would you choose? Now for most of us, we would choose a hundred percent. But the thing about a hundred percent is it's not sustainable. And for most of us, most of the time, it's not achievable. Let's look at all the things. How about making your bed? If you're someone who makes your bed, do you make your bed a hundred percent of the time? I will tell you I'm someone who makes my bed. I do not make my bed a hundred percent of the time. As a matter of fact, I don't think my bed is made right now. Now. Most of the time. When I get out of bed, I make my bed. This morning when I got out of bed, I did not. And actually I went back up there and we've been cleaning and organizing because it's the holiday week and my daughter's off from school. And I was like, oh, I'm probably going to change the sheets or something. I'm not even gonna bother. And I didn't change the sheets and I didn't bother. So I will probably make my bed before I climb into it, because that's how I like my sheets and my blankets when I get into them at the end of the day. But I'm also not beating myself up about it. I remember years ago I started in a coaching program where I was leading women. One of the things that we talked about was like executing things and doing the things that help you feel successful and get momentum rolling. And one of them was making our beds. And. I had someone. That was in this program. And she said to me, I always feel like if I don't make my bed, I'm an absolute failure. And that made me pause and rethink this approach. This understanding that like, Not making your bed one day does not make you a failure. And so how can we move forward in a way that helps us to get to our larger goals? Without this belief or without this pressure on ourselves to be a hundred percent to be able to be doing the things, whatever they are every single day. So let's go back to your day, one goals for a moment. You wrote three goals. And so if you haven't listened to day one, go back and listen to it, but here's a quick review. You wrote a personal goal. You wrote a relational goal and your road, a career business whatever you're doing right now in your life goal. So if you're a stay-at-home mom, if you're a a working mom, you might have there might be, if you're a homeschooling mom, There may be some components in there that are not necessarily. Quote unquote business, but it's the business you're in right now and that's okay. That's perfect actually. Versus you might be a full-time student and that might be the business that you're in right now. Or maybe you're working in corporate America, or maybe you're starting your own business. Whatever it is. You have a goal rooted in that? So let's take for a moment. Our relational goal. So just go back to that place. What is my relational goal? For this year, what do I want to do? And I asked you yesterday to make it relatively broad. Because in order for it to be something that you're going to continue to work on throughout the year, you can't just say, I want to have a better relationship with my spouse. Or I want to feel more connected to my kids. Your larger goal would be something like more deep and meaningful connections with the people in my life. And that includes my significant other. That includes my kids. It includes my friends. My family. Whoever you get to decide from here, right? So now what I want you to do is I just want you to pause. And I want you to ask yourself if that's your goal, to have more deeply meaningful connections. What do you need to do to have more deep and meaningful connections? Here's some examples. It might be checking in with people, right? Sending text messages more frequently. It might be making phone calls. It might be scheduling. Coffee dates or plans with friends or go or scheduling a date night with your spouse or a one-on-one day with one of your kids, or, rotate through them. If you have multiple children. These are all things that you can do. To nurture and cultivate more deep and meaningful connections in your life. Now. You might also say, oh crap. In order to have more deep and meaningful connections in my life, I need to have more deep and meaningful connection with myself. So what can I do for that? Okay. So to feel more connected to me, I have found that meditation can be really helpful for that. So I'm going to meditate daily. Now, this is what happens. We go like this. I'm going to meditate for 20 minutes every day. And it's going to be great. And then we sit down for meditation. And if we've never done it before we haven't done it in a really long time. Our thinking brain thinks. And because we have a perception of meditation that. In order to meditate. Your mind needs to be quiet. We go, I suck at this. I can't do it. And you throw up your hands and then there goes your entire relationship with self because you put all your eggs in that one basket. And now you're telling yourself the story that, because I wasn't perfect because I didn't do it. Quote unquote right. That means I can't do it and I'm not getting a benefit from it. So this is what I will say, whatever you put on your list, make sure you have an understanding of what that really means. A and B recognize that there is always a balance. There's always a middle road. So I am a daily meditator. Now, what that means to me is that. 70% of the time. I meditate daily. And there are weeks that it is every single day that I have seven days in a week. I hit and I meditate. There are weeks that I'm like, wow, I meditated three days this week. Okay. And there are weeks that I look back and I go, what happened to the week? Did I meditate at all? Now, I'm not looking at this under a microscope and saying, wow, about one week in January, Pam, you really sucked at that. Got one week in December that when we can March. I'm looking at the larger picture and I'm saying on average, Over this three month period. What I say that I meditated 70% of the time. On a daily basis. And for me, the answer is yes. Absolutely. And I actually use an app to track it. I use an app for the timer for it. And it tells me. So I can go back and look. The same old strew, like maybe one of my personal development goals is to learn a language. And so I'm using Duolingo. And and I can't tell you how many times I've gotten to a 30 day streak or a 45 day streak. That means using Duolingo for at least one. Practice a day. And then I go five days and I don't use it. And then my streak starts all over and they want you to, you can pay and you can bump this things that you can. I just use it to track. I don't care. But if I were beating myself up, I looked on Duolingo the other day, speaking of language. And you have the ratings board. And there was somebody that had 467 days straight of using Duolingo. Now, I don't know if that means they've bought days. Cause you can freeze out days and bought days so that you can maintain your streak or what that looks like. But I have like over a 460 something day streak. That was mind boggling to me. But there's this idea that in order to achieve my goal, I need to be. Perfect at it. So what I'm going to ask you to do is twofold. This would this episode twofold, the first one is I want you to look at each of those goals that you wrote down, and I want you to write down like the example that I just gave with. More deep and meaningful connections. Write down things that you can do to cultivate those deep and meaningful connections. And then I want you to start thinking about what would that look like if you were practicing those things? So if you're saying I want to get more organized and so I'm going to use a planner to write down. My my tasks and the things that I'm working on. Great. What does that going to look like? What do you need to do at. And then I want you to start thinking about this idea that a hundred percent is no longer perfect. We're just changing the rules. This is the beauty of being human adults. We can change the rules on ourselves. And so we're changing the rules that the new perfect is 70%. So that means 70% of the time. Your. Doing the steps. Uh, Practicing the practices to achieve your goals. Now, this is going to play right in tomorrow when we talk about taking action. But for right now, I want you to just wrap your mind around. What would it mean for you? If, instead of beating yourself up. About not hitting a hundred percent. Not doing something every single day or doing it perfectly. What if what you're striving for is 70%. So you make your bed 70% of the time you meditate 70% of the time. You clean up your dirty clothes. 70% of the time, or you let your kids. But their dirty laundry in the hamper, 70% of the time. That there. Now. Moving to the same place of. They're working to be kind to their siblings 70% of the time. Now I understand it would be great if it was more than that, but what if we just celebrate the fact that we get to 70%? And stop beating ourselves up for not being at a hundred percent. What if we get to 50% or 40% and we go, okay, so what do I need to do to move those numbers closer to 70%? What got in the way, what were my barriers so that you stop judging is not taking on these stories and these beliefs, these old stories that say, if I don't hit a hundred percent, I'm a failure. Can you rewire those stories? Can you start to change them? And if you do. What will happen? And how successful. Will you actually be and how will you feel about yourself? So that is the work for today. You're going to make a list of the things that you can do. The tasks, the practices that you can do to achieve the goals. I'm not asking you to do any of them right now. I'm just asking you to make a list. Like I said, I can text my friends. I can comment on people's things on, posts on Facebook or Instagram. I can make more phone calls. I can schedule some some coffee dates, or if you're like, there's a distance, you can schedule a. A FaceTime coffee date or a time to chat on the phone or vacations together, whatever the case may be. But that's the work. They start to actually put in the effort. Starting to think about what can I do here to move closer to my goals. And then. What would happen if instead of striving for perfection? I instead strive for 70%. How far will you get. Practice over the next 24 hours. If you notice the drive to do it, perfect. To do it right to be right. Boil from within. Pause and challenge yourself and remind yourself that the new perfect is 70%. That a hundred percent no longer exists on your scale. 70% is as far as we need to go. Okay guys. So get to work on those things and I will see you tomorrow. I'm super excited tomorrow. We talk about taking action. So dive in and I'll see you soon. Take care.