Are you a mom looking for ways to make summer less chaotic and more peaceful? This episode of the Peaceful Home Podcast is a must-listen! Host Pam dives into the common stressors of summer when kids are home all day and provides practical, mindful parenting strategies to help you create a calmer environment.
What we are talking about:
Combat Summer Chaos: Learn how to navigate the hectic summer days with ease.
Stay Present: Discover techniques to stay grounded and present, improving your connection with your kids.
Emotional Regulation: Get tips on the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise to help both you and your children manage emotions better.
Build Stronger Relationships: Understand how to acknowledge and validate feelings to foster healthier, more secure attachments with your children.
Episode Highlights:
00:00 Introduction: Welcome to the Peaceful Home Podcast.
00:48 Summer Chaos: Identifying the stressors that come with kids being home.
02:12 Staying Present: Tips for mindful parenting and staying in the moment.
04:15 Mindfulness Techniques: Practical exercises to integrate mindfulness into your daily routine.
09:35 Real-Life Examples: Stories from other moms using mindfulness successfully.
12:56 Safe Space for Kids: How to create an emotionally secure environment for your children.
18:02 Handling Tantrums and Homework: Applying mindfulness to common parenting challenges.
29:30 Mindfulness for Parents: Self-care practices to keep yourself calm and centered.
35:34 Conclusion: Recap and additional resources for mindful parenting.
Tune in and transform your summer into a time of peace and connection with your children. This episode is packed with actionable insights that will make a real difference in your family's daily life.
Ready to Create that Peaceful Home Quickly? Check out
Are you a mom who wants your kids to grow up happy, healthy and have all the opportunities in the world? Of course, you are, this is your opportunity to make that happen → Shift your approach to parenting, start regulating your emotions, clear out the invisible barriers, and get your kids to listen, cooperate, and embrace your wisdom all without yelling, bribing or punishing them. The Calm Project → Yours for FREE when you join the Align Mom’s Society Today!
If you’re like “I love the Peaceful Home Podcast.” Please consider rating and reviewing our show! This helps us support women, just like you, on their motherhood journey. Click here and scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with 5 stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude
Are you a mom looking for ways to make summer less chaotic and more peaceful? This episode of the Peaceful Home Podcast is a must-listen! Host Pam dives into the common stressors of summer when kids are home all day and provides practical, mindful parenting strategies to help you create a calmer environment.
What we are talking about:
Combat Summer Chaos: Learn how to navigate the hectic summer days with ease.
Stay Present: Discover techniques to stay grounded and present, improving your connection with your kids.
Emotional Regulation: Get tips on the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise to help both you and your children manage emotions better.
Build Stronger Relationships: Understand how to acknowledge and validate feelings to foster healthier, more secure attachments with your children.
Episode Highlights:
00:00 Introduction: Welcome to the Peaceful Home Podcast.
00:48 Summer Chaos: Identifying the stressors that come with kids being home.
02:12 Staying Present: Tips for mindful parenting and staying in the moment.
04:15 Mindfulness Techniques: Practical exercises to integrate mindfulness into your daily routine.
09:35 Real-Life Examples: Stories from other moms using mindfulness successfully.
12:56 Safe Space for Kids: How to create an emotionally secure environment for your children.
18:02 Handling Tantrums and Homework: Applying mindfulness to common parenting challenges.
29:30 Mindfulness for Parents: Self-care practices to keep yourself calm and centered.
35:34 Conclusion: Recap and additional resources for mindful parenting.
Tune in and transform your summer into a time of peace and connection with your children. This episode is packed with actionable insights that will make a real difference in your family's daily life.
Ready to Create that Peaceful Home Quickly? Check out
Are you a mom who wants your kids to grow up happy, healthy and have all the opportunities in the world? Of course, you are, this is your opportunity to make that happen → Shift your approach to parenting, start regulating your emotions, clear out the invisible barriers, and get your kids to listen, cooperate, and embrace your wisdom all without yelling, bribing or punishing them. The Calm Project → Yours for FREE when you join the Align Mom’s Society Today!
If you’re like “I love the Peaceful Home Podcast.” Please consider rating and reviewing our show! This helps us support women, just like you, on their motherhood journey. Click here and scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with 5 stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!
The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude
Pamela:
Hey there. And welcome back to the peaceful home podcast. My name is Pam and I am your host and it is summer here at peaceful home. And if your summer is anything like the summer that a lot of moms I'm talking to is like, it's a bit chaotic and maybe a little stressful, yelly, frustrating. Kids aren't listening. they're pushing the limits and you're ready to crack. That's what we're talking about today. On the podcast. And I'm going to give you tools and strategies that you can use to find your calm quickly so that you can have more peace throughout the rest of the summer and any other time of year that you're listening to this episode. So let's dive in. Let's be honest. We love our children, but. If you're like most moms, you actually enjoy them going off to school and then you get them, you know, after school, the weekends, you can enjoy your time with them, but you're not tasked with entertaining them every moment of every day. And in the summer, sometimes it can feel that way, right? Sometimes it feels like they're like, I'm bored. Can I do this? Can I do that? What about this? Can you help me with this? And they're constantly Interrupting, regardless of what you're trying to do, which can be real frustrating. and maybe you're staying real calm and giving them direction. You have all the patience in the world, or maybe you're finding yourself a little bit more reactive than you normally are. Now, where I live, it is super hot and has been super hot for, I don't know, a year. Two weeks at least, like in the nineties with humidity in the 80%, range and just like oppressively hot. It's sticky and gross. And I don't live in a place where there's, you know, central air conditioning is not the norm. maybe in some newer houses, my house was built in the 1800s. We've got like the window units and. You know, talking to some, of my friends and a couple of girlfriends of mine who are in the same boat, it can get, the heat can like impact us in parenting. So today I really want to look at this understanding this concept of mindful parenting and what does that mean? How can we use mindfulness, being present in the moment, showing up for our kids, showing up for ourselves? So that we can have some damn peace. So mindful parenting is really about staying present, being in the moment, being aware of your child's needs, being aware of your own needs, being aware of your feelings, right? It's all the components of presence and awareness paired with the tools that are like being nonjudgmental. You know, being curious, trusting the process and kind of, not trying to push or, rush them along, not trying to get to some destination and accepting that it might be frustrating and that you're, well behaved, seven or eight year old that is usually pretty easy going is also getting a little frustrated or bored or is asking for more screen time and you're saying no, maybe this is your house where you're. 7 or 8 year olds like, can I play on my tablet or whatever? And you're like, no. And they're like, can I please? No. And go do something else. They go to something else. They come back. Then they're like, can I play on my tablet? And finally, you're like, fine, play on your tablet. I don't care. Leave me alone. Yeah. That's what happens when we're caught in our emotional cycle, right? Mindfulness, part of the reason that I love mindfulness is because it is rooted in research on the brain, right? So everything that I'm sharing with you today is about brain science. It's about how this practice, this very simple practice of mindfulness can rewire the brain and strengthen areas of the brain that improve things like focus and concentration, as well as our communication strategies. Mindfulness offers us the ability to reduce our own stress, to improve our regulation strategies, and to build healthier relationships with our kids. So real quick, easy formula that I like to use with mindful parenting is that when your child does or says something, it's a three step process. The first step is to simply pause. And take a breath, right? Give yourself and give them a moment. This gives you the opportunity to collect your thoughts and make a mindful, intentional decision to respond to the way that you're going to respond. Then you get to tune into them with your full attention. So this is like make eye contact, remove distractions, put your phone away, focus on what your child is saying, what they're asking for. And, not on like what you want to say. So for instance, if you have just said to your eight year old seven times, no, they cannot play on their tablet or play video games or watch TV and they come back. Right. And you're trying to do something. maybe you're in the middle of a conversation with a friend or your spouse and they come in and interrupt again. Right. And you find yourself, you find your like blood starting to boil, right? Have you ever been in this place where you're just like, Oh, why do you keep asking me this? and they come back with another strategy to negotiate, to get time in front of a screen. And instead of listening to what they're saying or why they're saying it or what's going on or hearing them underneath their experience, your only focus is on Oh my God, they just asked me this. They know what the answer is going to be and you're just responding. No, no, no. I remember this growing up going to ask my mom for things or my dad for things. And they'd already be shaking their head. No. I'm not even done talking. I'm like, I haven't even finished my sentence. Why are you saying no? You don't even know what my, I came up with a great argument. You didn't even, you're not even listening to me. And so when we talk about building, confidence and security in our kids, it's important that we listen to them all the way through before we indicate what the answer is going to be, that we hear their story because that is how they feel. develop this experience of feeling heard, which is paramount to secure attachment. Okay, so we listen with full attention and then you have to go about accepting your own feelings and those of your kids, even if they're challenging. So if you're feeling frustrated, we start by going, Oh, okay, I'm feeling frustrated. I need to like maybe take a step back. I recognize what's going on here. And maybe you're going to say no to your kid and you say no and they throw a fit, right? That's okay. It's okay for them to throw a fit. They're allowed to have feelings. And so it's coming from a place of acceptance of like, yeah, you get to feel that No problem. Totally fine. it doesn't mean I have to like it. It doesn't mean I have to, allow them to like speak to me negatively or poorly. Or, you know, some kids will like take the toy that they wanted to play with and throw it on the floor or throw something else or, you know, get rough with their sibling. my 15 year old will say, when you set a limit with her that she doesn't like, the dog has a tendency, we have a yellow lab and she likes to follow you around and she'll get like, she knows she's a therapy dog. So she knows you're upset. She's like right there. So she sees my 15 year old upset. She's right there. And Marley would be like, Lona, move. And I often have to say, Hey, hon, I know that you're feeling really frustrated or upset about this thing. That's not the dog's fault. Like, she's just trying to comfort you. And we've been doing this long enough that she goes, I'm sorry. And she'll like, And I say, maybe it's, maybe you need to take a moment with the dog. Maybe take a moment with the dog. Maybe that's what you need, right? She's showing up there because she's more in tune. The dog is more in tune with what you need than you are right now. So utilize that, right? But coming from a place of acceptance, I'm not like, what's wrong with you? Why are you yelling at the dog? And accepting that these are her emotional experiences and that I don't have to try to change them, but maybe I can point them out. And I say that because I have a 15 year old and we've been doing this work for a while. You're not going to have the same reaction with a five year old, right? But recognizing that you can walk along this path that these kids, our kids are always going to have emotional experiences and we need to accept and protect those emotional experiences. Giving them the space to have them. That's what that is. Like, you know, giving them the space and not telling them to knock it off. Right. if you grew up in a household where you were told to stop feeling what you're feeling, then you might get that the knock it off. and I sometimes hear that from my husband and I'll have to say like, Hey, like she's allowed to be upset. And it will, like, it's a reminder for him of like, Oh yeah, cause he'll, he'll be patient. He'll be, he says this, I'm patient to a point and I'm like, it's not patience, right? She's triggered you. She's triggered you and you don't want to be triggered anymore. So your way of clearing out this trigger is by raising your voice. You raise your voice and it shuts her down. This is the process that happens when we are not mindful. That's why I'm sharing it. So those are three simple things that you can do, to help you in the process of being present and being mindful in the parenting journey. So one of the moms I work with, let's call her Julie, has struggled with the behaviors coming from her kids. And she grew up in an environment where, having emotions, experiencing struggles or difficulty, was not tolerated. And she was often told like many of us to knock it off, stop feeling that way. your feelings are invalid, right? like, Oh, don't feel that way. Or that's not true. That's not what happened. Or you have no idea, or you don't know what it's like and those types of things. Those are the messages that she got growing up. So she learned very early on that she wasn't allowed to have feelings. Trying to help her kids navigate big feelings because guess what? Kids have big feelings unless we shut them down. So her kids are having big feelings. She's trying to help them navigate. And one time frame in particular that, her youngest was struggling with was bedtime. And so our youngest is struggling with bedtime and she'd start to get worried or anxious or stressed about things or have lots of thoughts in her head. And then she would, spiral. She would come find mom, pull mom from bed and be like, you know, I don't know what to do here. I'm awake. I can't fall back asleep. I need your help. and not even, necessarily communicating at that clearly just coming, like doing the mama. And you're like, Oh, What? What is it? This is the fourth time you've been in my room. It's three o'clock in the morning. I have like slept five minutes. What is going on here? And this is a really common thing that happens when we do for our children, instead of teaching our children how to do for themselves. And I don't mean, everything. I mean that we can certainly be there and walk them through the process of managing emotions or stress or worry, I remember when Marley was little, Kids don't know until you tell them that it's normal to wake up in the middle of the night and you might wake up and see the light from your clock or your nightlight or your stars on the ceiling or whatever and then you can roll over and go back to sleep that it's okay to do that. They don't know so they don't understand why they're awake at three o'clock in the morning for the fourth time tonight and they don't have to go to the bathroom and they're not tired. They're not thirsty and they're not scared and all their basic needs have been met. They don't know what's going on. So they come to you because you're the person they come to. And so she was struggling with this because she didn't want to be the person they came to, but she hadn't taught them how to manage themselves yet. And so we did some mindfulness strategies. I taught mom's mindfulness strategy. She taught these mindfulness strategies to her kiddo. she made it into like a little chart for next to the kid's bed so that this child could use these strategies if she woke up and she found that she was worrying and not able to fall asleep right away. And she could use these strategies to regulate her nervous system, to calm herself down and to help herself like drift back into sleep. And it's worked like a charm. And, since this, mom has been able to use these same strategies or let her kids or, offer for her kids to use these same strategies. For other worries as well. Worries in the classroom, worries, taking a test worries with like the babysitter or peer friend worries or any of the other worries that have come up for this kid. She's been able to use this same mindfulness strategy that I'm going to share with you in a moment. It is simple, straightforward, and so easy to use. And I have another mom who has used a completely different strategy, that her kids, she's got a couple of kids and they tend to get really easily wound up and weren't finding that there was space in the house for them to calm down. And mom would often say to me, like, I send them to their rooms, but they're like, There's a bunch of toys there. And she started the conversation from a place of like, they're getting rewarded because there's toys. And I was like, that doesn't matter. That's not a thing. We're not like rewarding or punishing our kids because they're having emotions. We're just recognizing that they have emotions. And for some of our kids, they get overstimulated that our kids can very easily with all the stimulation happening in the world. They can very easily get overstimulated and for some kids, it's noise. And for some kids, it's like visual things. And for some kids it's, tactile. When you know your kid and you know what's soothing to them you can create What I like to call a safe space it is literally an actual space in a room in the house It doesn't matter what room it is But a place where they are comfortable going with you or without you and that they have access to all the time Where they can have like a beanbag chair and some books to read depending on their age and like stuffed animals or some fuzzy blankets or some things that are soothing to them, some way to put on some soft music if that's helpful for them. But it's literally the strategy of safe space and what you do with this. Is you teach your children how to come into this space, and I would highly recommend you do it for yourself as well. Come into the space, take five to seven deep breaths, focusing on the tip of the nose as you breathe in through the nose. And out through the nose and that the breathing out through the nose is a little bit longer and slower. and then just allowing them to settle in. So they're going to use their senses here, right? Maybe it's a fuzzy blanket. maybe it's a soft stuffed animal. Maybe it's a smell, you know, maybe you have somebody that uses essential oils and you're gonna put essential oils in there. I remember when Marley was little, she had like a little roll on with essential oils in it that she would like roll onto the back of her neck, or like underneath her ears or the wrist points, like where you would put on perfume. when she was feeling stressed out and the smell, of the oil that she used was really relaxing and soothing for her. And it just kind of allowed her to focus on that and settle the nervous system. Right. So why am I sharing these two examples together? Because they're very similar. One of the strategies for mindfulness that we like to use is using the five senses. So it can be all of the five senses or it can be one of the five senses. So if you know that your child's super tactile, and that was me as a kid, super tactile, then maybe you have, a soft blanket and a really like fuzzy, soft, beanbag chair that they can sit on. Maybe they have a stuffed animal. If you've got a kid that's like done the, it's called pill rolling, but like rubbing the fingers together on like a tag of a stuffed animal or a satiny part. if your child sucks their thumb, those are tactile soothing mechanisms. So that's a really good indication that your kid is tactile and needs tactile things to soothe. And so that's what we're looking for. So we focus in on the five senses and we use those five senses to calm us down. So here's how that exercise goes. It's a grounding technique. And we're simply going to focus on these things and breathe. It's find five things you can see. So they look around, they find five things that they can see. This works for adults too. Four things you can touch. They touch four things. if they're not in a place where they can touch four things, like they're sitting at their desk and they don't have anything to touch, then they can imagine the soft blanket that they like to snuggle with the comfy beanbag chair, the feel of the hammock, whatever, right? Like Four things that they can touch. Three things that they can hear. Two things that they can smell, one thing that they can taste. The one thing that they can taste is like bringing to mind a pleasant taste. So maybe your kid is a brownie lover. and you have a special brownie recipe that's their favorite. when you get to the one thing that you can taste, imagine the taste of the brownies, like just close your eyes and imagine what that tastes like. Imagine them on your tongue and how delicious they are. And like, there's your taste, right? It doesn't have to be they get up at two o'clock in the morning so that they can have a brownie. It's more like, hey, you can recognize that these are delicious. These are things that you can do. And by the way, linked up in the show notes, you will find a link for you to download and keep, a little chart that you can print out and stick on your kid's wall. And it's got visuals and it's got the numbers and it has the information. so it does not matter how young or old your kids are, it will work. and it's a free PDF that is for you. So check that out in the show notes. Okay. What does mindfulness look like in action in parenting? Like what would you be doing when your kid is having a difficult time? So I'm going to go through a couple of different scenarios and give you some examples. The first scenario is when your kid's having a meltdown, when they're having a tantrum, when they're freaking out, when they're slamming around the house, whatever your kid's big emotional experience looks like, that's what you're going to use this for. Something that's really important to note here that I'm not diving into in this episode, but I will talk about in future episodes, is what area of the brain, what reaction type that your kid is in. So just know that if your kid is still talking, and they're communicating to you, Then they're not fully in a survival fight or flight response and all of these techniques and strategies will work If they have totally lost their minds They're hysterical there's nothing that you can do. They're gone. the fight or flight switch has flipped They're freaking out throwing things punching kicking biting whatever, They're in absolute freak out These strategies are not going to work. You have to get them to a place where they feel safe enough so that they can trust you to walk through these things. So just that's first and foremost. So if you're like my kids, telling them to take a deep breath, not that that's going to work, but like going the route of like trying to engage with them is not going to work. So let's assume that that's not what the tantrum is, that the tantrum, you've said no, and now they're crying and they're mad at you and they're like, I hate you. That's not fair. You know, that kind of stuff, right? They're communicating to you. If they're communicating to you, what's important is that you acknowledge their feelings. Even if they don't have the words for their feelings, even if they don't like, they're not like, I hate you. I'm so mad at you. I'm like, that's not fair. Even if they're not saying that, if they're still at a level where they haven't flipped that switch yet, you can acknowledge their feelings. I know this is upsetting. Like I get it, put a name to it. I can see that you're angry. I can see that you're sad. I can see that you're hurt. Right? You can use a feelings wheel for this, but like name the feeling. This is what we do when our kids are having an experience is we just tune into the present moment. We validate, we, like say, Hey, I see that you're feeling this thing. We help them name their emotions. And then from there you can give them choices. Right? So you might say they're, you know, they wanted to play with their tablet and you said no. And then they're like, that's not fair. And they're like upset with you and you say, I get it. You're really upset. You were looking forward to it. it sounds like whatever, put a label on the emotion. would you like me to, And then give them options. And so you might say like, do you feel like you need a hug? or would you like some space? So when I talk about options, that's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about like make a choice to go, you know, pull yourself together. I'm saying, how would you like me to help you pull you together? Would you like a hug? or would you like some space? And if you don't feel like maybe they can, have the ability to communicate, you can use your hands, like your left hand is a hug, your right hand is some space and they can point at it, whatever is going to work with your kid. you can set up what comes next. So you give them a hug, they come and climb into your lap or they want to go play in their room. They need some space or they just need to sit in their comfy corner and snuggle up with their blanket and chill for a few. That's fine too. We all need breaks. Right. next kind of experience you might be having is like homework or school challenges. And I get it's the summer, but like it's coming. And it's right around the corner. it's really important that we're able to, model being calm around schoolwork because schoolwork Homework, projects is overwhelming for our kids because they don't have the tools and resources, even if they've done it before, they're still building those skills. They have not mastered them yet. And so as they're building those skills, those struggles are going to spill over into the emotional world a little bit, and they might get upset about something, and it's our job to hold, to hold the pieces together. And so then your role here from a mindfulness perspective would be to. preemptively set up an environment that allows them to be successful. So maybe you have a kid who's teacher, kind of has the lights turned down low and has like soft music playing in the background. My daughter had this, I think it was fifth grade. and that became the environment she got really used to doing school work in. you might have a kid that like sitting at the kitchen counter with you there on the other side of the counter doing like cooking dinner or prepping something else is ideal because being in your company is a better idea. And you might have kids that want to be like sitting at their desk, doing their homework or their schoolwork independently. So it's really important that you. remove your preferences and you look at what is in your child's best interest here. So you're going to have to tune in and say, what does my kid need in this scenario? And each of your kids might be different and that's okay. But what I find is that when we don't stop and pause and tune in and be present and listen to what they're actually, communicating or watch what they're actually experiencing, you know, the kid that says, Oh no, I want to sit. Right at the kitchen counter with music playing and then can't get their homework done because they're overstimulated. You're like, Hey bud, I think you might need a quiet space to do your homework. What do you think? I think of like growing up in my household, I have a sister who is Even to this day, when she works, she needs silence. She is like, she cannot, and she's worked, remotely from home for her whole career. And sometimes she'll come to my parents house, like she lives far away, so she'll travel and come and stay with my parents for a couple of weeks. And you, if she's working, we can't even be in the house because any sort of noise stresses her out and she can't handle it. And then like my dad when he was still alive, the only way that he could focus is like he'd have The TV blaring and music on and every light in the place on and he'd be like playing the guitar and, you know, reading a book. that was how his brain operated. That was the environment in which he could thrive. So two opposite ends of the spectrum, as you might imagine, they didn't work so well together. In the same environment when they were both trying to get things accomplished. so recognizing that and being able to prep and create space, that's being mindful, being aware and tuning in to what your kids needs are and recognizing that sometimes you have to step in and say like, Hey bud, I think that maybe what you thought was going to be a good fit is not so much a good fit. Or, you know, maybe your kid does require quiet and they think, I'm going to go up to my room to do my homework. But I have a 15 year old who still to this day, if I sent her to her room to do her homework would be cleaning out her closet. I would be like, did you get anything done? Well, I cleaned my closet. I'm like, okay, what about your homework? she has ADHD and sometimes we have to be really mindful around body doubling. So we'll both sit in the same room and I'll work and she'll work and we don't talk and we don't interact, but we're both getting stuff done because I'm able to be there doing something with her while she's doing her thing. and that's sometimes what she needs depending on what, but we've tuned in enough and I'm mindful and present enough that I can read those cues and we talk about them openly because there's no shame in that. It's just like, Oh yeah, some of us need different things. It's just the way our brains are wired. No big deal. And then finally, another scenario that can be a tough one is bedtime routines. part of the reason that bedtime routines can be a little bit cray is because we as grown adults. are not necessarily great about consistency and especially in the summer, it can get, you know, if we're like out running around, it gets, dark later. You might be out running around, maybe you were at the beach today, maybe you were, visiting friends, maybe you're, traveling. Kids are staying up later. They don't have to get up as early. Right? So all these things are changing and sometimes there's chaos when we talk about bedtime routines, the things that are really, really important is that you have a calm and consistent routine and that you help your kids wind down at the end of the day. mindfulness is a great way to do this by Noticing. What does it feel Like if you don't have a routine for non school days, or you need a revamp on your routine for when you guys have to get up early, it's a great opportunity to go. What works? What doesn't work? How can I tune in and notice, what's helpful for you? How can I get from you? How can we have a conversation about what's helpful for you? and kind of move from that place. And that's what bedtime routines and mindfulness is all about. that might mean if you have a kid that gets up six times in the middle of the night because they're just at that age where they're like, mom, I'm awake. What do I do? Entertain me that you say, okay, let's put a little poster next to your bed that gives you the five, four, three, two, one that you can do so that you can calm yourself back down or ground yourself back in your bed, so that you can sleep. Right. So we have to pre think about what could come up or what problems might arise, or we have to notice what's happening with our kids and intervene so it doesn't become a negative habit. I remember when Marley was little, she was probably five. she would wake up in the middle of the night and have to go to the bathroom and zero reason for her to call me. She could get out of bed and go into the bathroom and she had a nightlight and she could get to the bathroom and everything's right there and it's not. High risk or anything, but she would call me and she would be like I have to go to the bathroom And finally I started being like, then go, why are you waking me up? Like what's going on here? but I had to tune into what her needs were. I was like, what's actually going on? And she said, well, I don't know. Can I get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? I didn't think that you didn't know that it's just normal to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night if you have to. I'm like, what do you do during the day? Well, I just go to the bathroom. Okay. Well. Then you don't need to ask permission at two o'clock in the morning. You just need to go back to bed when you're done. And she's a kid that I could trust to do that. Now there are some kids that I've worked with through the years that like, Absolutely not. You don't want your kid to know, like when they're transitioning from that, like the crib to the toddler bed, you don't want them to know they can get out of the toddler bed, right? You don't want to break the news that they're able to get out on their own if they haven't figured it out yet. because it allows for you to feel a little bit more safe and secure around maybe stairs or other things happening in the household, right? But, all of that stuff aside. utilizing a present moment experience, tuning in, recognizing non judgmentally in a calm and cool, way, like focusing on one thing at a time, putting your energy and effort into one thing at a time. The other thing here is that if you're like, Oh yeah, my kid's tantruming, Oh yeah, we have homework challenges and Oh yeah, bedtime routines are difficult. I'm going to infuse all of this with mindfulness. I strongly recommend that you practice, if you're not already practicing mindfulness, that you practice mindfulness for yourself, that you lean into utilizing a practice of mindfulness for you so that you can more effectively, respond and support your kids and their needs from a parenting perspective. Right? And so what does that mean? Here's three practices I'm going to share with you. That are all mindfulness practices. They're super quick. It's stuff that you can do in under two minutes a day. they're pretty straightforward, right? So, I mean, you could come up with a structured mindfulness, practice. So there's two types of mindfulness practices, structured and unstructured. So structured might be like a seated meditation or, a reclined or a laying down body scan or something like that, something that you're specifically following that has a timeline. Maybe you're listening to a guided meditation or something like that, for you, or maybe you're doing that with your kids. Or there's unstructured practices like just being present and listening, like listening exercises with your kids. Like maybe you decide at dinner, I'm just going to listen and validate nothing else, right? I'm just going to listen to what they're saying. And I'm going to validate their experience, their feelings, their stories, their beliefs, all of those things. I'm just going to validate. That can be a mindfulness experience because what you'll notice is it's real, real hard not to give advice, not to tell them what to do, not to give them direction, not to correct tone. You're just going, let me hear what they have to say. And you're saying things like, wow, that sounds fun. Or like, oh yeah, that sounds like it was really hard. I'm sorry you're going through that. Or yeah, I get tired when I don't. When I wake up too early too, I get tired by dinnertime. that's all validation, right? That's all validating their experience. So that might be a practice that you do, but there are some other things that you can do. Those are like really focused on mindful parenting. Just some regular practices that you can do for yourself are to like do some breathing exercises, just some real simple breathing exercises. There's a breathing exercise called Anapana where you focus on the tip of your nose And you breathe in through the nose and out through the nose, and you feel the breath as it comes in and out. Real simple, real straightforward, and you can do it for 5 breaths, 10 breaths, 300 breaths, it doesn't matter. but you're just simply focusing and breathing. And here's the beautiful thing. every time you get distracted and you have to bring yourself back to what you're doing, like, so you breathe in through the nose and then You know, chicken out of the freezer for dinner and then you're breathing out and you're not even paying attention to the breath and you're like Oh, breathing in. Would they, maybe they would prefer green beans, right? And then you're like, Oh, I'm practicing mindfulness. What am I doing? Breathing in, focusing on the tip of the nose, breathing out. Every time you do that and you bring yourself back, it's like strengthening the muscles. So if you're doing like strengthening your biceps, you're doing a bicep curl with your arms, it's like Every single time you get drift drift away and come back. You're strengthening that muscle that focus muscle for the practice of mindfulness, so that's actually a good thing And I don't think a lot of people tell you that I want you to know that's a good thing being distracted is great because it strengthens the muscle quicker and then what you'll find is that you start to feel the benefits Much more quickly the second mindfulness practices that I like to use is gratitude moments And this is just simply Taking a moment, just deciding, okay, right now, I'm going to come up with three things that I'm grateful for today. Three really small, specific things. And that could be something like, I'm grateful for this hot cup of coffee. I'm grateful for the nice clean towels when I got out of the shower this morning. I'm grateful for hot water. I'm grateful that I have air conditioning when it's 98 degrees out. Or just in a moment right now. I'm grateful that I'm here and I have the ability. To listen to this podcast episode. I have the technology to do so. I have the understanding of how to access it, right? Those are all things that you could be grateful for that are real small and might not normally come up on your purview of what to be grateful for But when you focus and notice the really, really small things, what starts to happen is there starts to become more and more and more of them. And then the stuff that's a little bit more difficult to feel grateful for, like I'm grateful that my kid is throwing a temper tantrum on this Tuesday morning at 9 o'clock. because it's giving me the opportunity to support their needs that I wouldn't know about if they weren't throwing this tantrum, right? It gives me, it's giving me this great opportunity to practice my mindfulness skills. that's something you can be grateful for, but that's a little bit harder to get there. It's a little bit harder to get to the place where you're like, I'm grateful for this terrible experience I'm having right now because it's offering me this opportunity for this next thing, right? Beautiful practices for gratitude, beautiful practices for mindfulness takes a little bit of effort, and experience. And then the third one that I like to use is just sensory check ins. So this is really, the adult version of 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. It's like, What are five things I see? What are four things I touch? What are three things I hear? Two things I smell, one thing I taste. if you're going to use this with your kids, I highly suggest you start practicing it yourself because it starts to get really easy to then give them experiences or examples of like, you know, three things I hear and they're like, I don't hear anything. And you're like, well, take a moment. Can you, like, tune into the things that you hear? Like, as I'm sitting here recording this podcast, I can hear, my modem on my internet. I can hear, like, the fan on it. I can hear my kid in the other room moving around. You can't hear that, but I can hear that. My neighbor has like the lawn people outside. I can hear the truck out on the street. cause it's just kind of a low rumble. It's not loud enough that you're hearing it over the microphone, but I can hear that. Right. So just tuning in, it could be anything. It might be like, if you sit in silence for a moment, I'd be like birds chirping and you're like, Oh, I hear birds chirping. Right. So the more you do that, the easier it is to walk your kid through those practices as well. Okay guys. So. That is it for today. I know it's a little bit longer than I normally do, but I had a lot of information I wanted to share with you. around mindfulness and go to the show notes, grab your free copy, of the little poster that you can, print out and hang up next to your bed. It's obviously it's digital, so you can keep it on your phone. You can put it on the save screen on your iPad or computer to remind you to practice mindfulness. That's all I got today. Thank you so much for being here and I will see you again soon.
