Ep 102 From Power Struggles to Peace: Transform Your Parenting with Universal Laws

Feeling like every conversation with your teen turns into a showdown? You’re not alone! But here’s the good news: there’s a way to break free from the constant power struggles and create a home filled with more connection, mutual respect, and yes—peace. In this episode, we’re unpacking how the Universal Laws can help you shift from controlling your teen to collaborating with them. If you’ve ever wondered how to parent with less stress and more trust, this is the episode for you!

What’s Inside This Episode:

• The Root of Control: Why moms often lean on control out of fear and how it can backfire.
• The Universal Laws in Action:
  • Law of Alignment: How meeting your teen where they are emotionally and developmentally builds trust.
  • Law of Reciprocity: The power of showing respect to get respect back.
  • Law of Balance: Blending authority and empathy to guide without provoking rebellion.
• Mindset Shifts: Moving from “How do I get her to do what I want?” to “How can we work together?”
• Practical Tools: Learn the Collaboration Checklist—a quick mental guide to handle tough moments with grace.
• Real-Life Examples: How small adjustments in your words and approach can create a huge shift in your relationship with your teen.

Discover how to foster trust, build mutual respect, and create a harmonious home environment without relying on control. You’ll leave this episode equipped with actionable tools to strengthen your connection with your teen and bring balance to your family dynamic.

Join us in creating a more peaceful home, one conversation at a time. If you loved this episode, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with a friend who could use some parenting encouragement. And if you’re ready to dive deeper into transforming your relationship with your teen, join us at The Aligned Moms Society. Together, we’re making peace the new normal!

And for moms seeking to navigate and thrive through the parenting journey with confidence and love, we look forward to seeing you inside the Aligned Moms Society, designed to guide and support you every step of the way. Let's empower our daughters together.

🔗 Seeking personalized support? Book a discovery call: askparentingtherapist@gmail.com

💌 *Loved this episode?* Help us reach more parents by sharing with a friend or leaving a rating and review.

Follow along for more insights and support:

Youtube: Coming Soon

Instagram: @parentingtherapistpam

Facebook: @pamgodboiscoaching

👩‍👧‍👦 Join *The Aligned Mom’s Society* for a community of support: Join Here

 Check out Living CALM, a resource for moms on this journey to healing and raising compassionate & confident kids. 

The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Transcript

0:00

Is your home starting to feel more like a WWE wrestling ring than a sanctuary. Ever requests turns into a debate. Every conversation into a full blown power struggle. Sound familiar. What if I told you, there's a way to trade the constant tug of war. For real teamwork and create a home where a peace in connection actually feel possible. Spoiler. It's all about shifting from control to collaboration, and I've got the universal laws to back it up. And today's episode of the peaceful home podcast. We're diving into how you can ditch the power plays and embrace a new parenting dynamic rooted in trust mutual respect. And yes, peace. By shifting from a control driven mindset to one of collaboration. You'll not only transform your relationship with your teen. But also create a home that feels calmer for everyone. Stick around because I'll be breaking down practical tools and mindset shifts that you can start using today to make this happen. As your teen starts navigating their messy, unpredictable journey towards independence. You might find yourself slipping into control mode. And let's be real. It's coming from a place of love and maybe a dash of panic. You're worried about them making a bad decision, hanging out with the wrong crowd or heaven forbid forgetting everything you taught them. It's totally natural, but here's the kicker. That urge to control. It might be doing more harm than good. Let's talk about why you're reaching for the rains. So tightly. It's fear, plain and simple. Fear they'll make a mistake. Fear they'll get hurt. Fear they'll stop respecting you. So, what do you do? You double down, you monitor their every move, make rigid rules and maybe even start micromanaging their social calendar. Like your, their personal assistant. Here's the thing, this kind of control sends a silent message. I don't trust you to figure it out. Ouch right. And while you're just trying to protect them, they're hearing something entirely different. Here's the problem with control. Now here's where things backfire. Teens by design are wired to seek independence. It's like they've got a built-in radar for overbearing parenting. And when they detect it. Their first response is to push back. Hard. Maybe it looks like slamming doors and yelling. You don't understand me. Or maybe it's a silent retreat into their bedroom where they don't talk to you unless it's to ask what's for dinner. Either way, the result is the same. Control creates distance and suddenly you're not just battling over curfew or screen time. You're battling for your connection with them. Here's where the universal law of balance comes in. Because. Yep. Even the universe has parenting advice. The harder you push the harder they will pull away. It's like trying to shove toothpaste back into the tube. It's messy. Frustrating and honestly, It's not going to work. Balance is the antidote. When you approach your teen with empathy and mutual respect instead of control, you're inviting harmony into the relationship. It's the difference between barking? Why don't you clean your room? Like I asked and saying, Hey, I noticed your room is still a mess. What's going on? The first one triggers defensiveness. The second one starts a conversation. But here's why balance works. Teens want to feel like they have a say in their lives, even if they still need your guidance. By loosening your grip a little you're showing them you believe in their ability to make decisions. And that trust is huge. It makes them more likely to open up to listen to your perspective. And dare I say. I respect you more. So next time, you're about to lay down the law. Pause and ask yourself. Am I reacting out of fear. Or responding from a place of trust. Because the more you focus on balance and collaboration, the less you'll feel like it's a constant power struggle. And the more you'll feel like you're actually on the same team. Here are a few strategies for shifting from control to collaboration. The first is open communication. This is where you engage in honest conversation with your teen about their experiences and their feelings. This builds, trust and understanding. The second is to set clear boundaries with flexibility. So you want to establish guidelines that are reasonable and allow for some autonomy demonstrating trust in your teens judgment. Number three is to model desired behavior. This one is so important because your kids learn. By watching you. So demonstrate responsible decision making and self-regulation providing a positive example for your teen to emulate. And encourage problem solving. Involve your teen in discussions about potential consequences of their actions. Empowering them to make informed decisions. And by all means ask their opinions, get their feedback. Ask them to help you resolve or solve a situation because by embracing these strategies, your supporting your teen's development. Into a responsible autonomous individual while maintaining a healthy and trusting relationship. Let's talk about how these universal laws. I can help you transform your relationship. With your teen from one of constant tug of war into a dynamic of trust collaboration and mutual respect. Because honestly, Parenting doesn't have to feel like a daily battle to win. Here's the rundown. The first one is the law of alignment or syncing with your teen not fighting the current. Alignment is all about meeting your teen, where they are emotionally and developmentally, not where you wish they were or think they should be. We make this mistake in adolescents all the time, because so often our teenagers are physically the same size as an adult. But they are not an adult and they do not have an adult brain. Teens are in the middle of a serious identity construction project. Hormones are raging. Emotions are unpredictable and their brains are still years away from fully developing decision-making skills. When you meet them in their reality, instead of demanding, they meet you in yours. You're basically saying, I see you, I'm here with you. And that's the foundation of trust. You're essentially validating their existence without having to validate their existence. For example, maybe your daughter's freaking out about a group project. Claiming her teacher hates her and she's going to fail even though it's worth like 10% of her grade. Here's what not to say. You're being dramatic. Just do the work. And aligned response would sound something Like this wow. It sounds like this project is really stressing you out. Want to talk about, what's making it feel so overwhelming. This response does two things. It lets her know. Her emotions are valid. And it shows you're on her teen to help solve the problem. Think of alignment, like rowing a boat with a current. When you work with the flow, you make progress effortlessly, but if you try to row against it, you're exhausted, frustrated and getting nowhere fast. Next up is the law of reciprocity. The underlying message here is that respect is a two way street. What you give, you'll get back. When you model respect through listening, valuing their opinions and treating them like capable humans. You teach them. To reflect that same respect back to you and to others. This works because teens know when they're being dismissed or treated unfairly and their response is almost always resistance. When they feel respected, they're more likely to engage thoughtfully and work with you rather than against you. Here's an example. Let's say your daughter missed a curfew and came home late without texting you. Now you might want to say, that's it no phone for a month. You clearly can't handle responsibility. But a respectful response would be, I noticed you came home late last night without letting me know. Can you tell me what happened? Let's figure out how we can prevent this from happening again. This shift invites her into the conversation instead of shutting down or feeling punished. She has a chance to explain or reflect and collaborate on a solution. Respect. Isn't something your teen has to earn by being perfect. It's a tool you use to teach them how to navigate the world with maturity and empathy. Next up is the law of balance. The premise here is to be gentle, not the dictator. Balance is about blending firmness with compassion. Yes, teens need structure and boundaries, but they also need autonomy and understanding. Too much control and you're setting up a rebellion. Too much leniency. And they're untethered. When you balance authority with empathy, you're showing your teen that rules don't have to mean rigidity. They can respect your expectations because you've shown respect for their independence. This is what it might look like in action. Your teens, Rome looks like a post apocalyptic disaster zone. And you've had enough. This was literally my house last week. So a controlling approach might be to say something like clean your room right now, or you're not leaving this house for the rest of the week, or I'm taking your phone away for a month. A more balanced approach would be to say, Hey, I know you've got a lot on your plate, but keeping your space clean is important for your wellbeing. Let's figure out a system that works for both of us. This approach sets clear expectations while giving your teen. Some say and how they meet them. When you apply these laws, your relationships shift. Alignment creates trust your teen feels seen and valued reciprocity builds, respect. You're modeling the behavior you want to see and balance fosters collaboration. Your teen learns responsibility without feeling micromanaged. The next time a conflict pops up, pause and ask yourself. Am I aligning with her reality instead of pushing my own agenda. And my modeling the respect I want in return. And am I balancing authority with compassion? By asking these questions. You're not just resolving issues in the moment. You're creating a longterm foundation of trust, respect, and teamwork. And if you're thinking this all sounds great, but it's hard in the heat of the moment. Remember parenting isn't about being perfect. It's about progress. One aligned, respectful, and bounced conversation at a time. And here's one quick tool that you can keep in your back pocket at all times. When you feel the urge to control? Pause and ask yourself, am I reacting out of fear or love? And how can I guide instead of dictate. Using these questions can help you pivot to a collaborative approach. And here's a few journaling prompts for you this week for mom. What am I trying to control? And why does it feel so important to me? And how can I align with my daughter's needs instead of imposing my agenda. For your daughter? What do I wish my mom understood about me? And how can I better communicate my needs and feelings to my mom? This shift, isn't about giving up your role as parent it's about redefining it. By aligning with the universal laws, you create a partnership where you're guiding her with love, not fear and fostering a family culture of trust and harmony. When you let go of the need to control and step into the power of collaboration. Everything shifts because your teen wants to feel heard, respected, and valued. Just like you do by embracing these universal principles. You'll not only create a peaceful home, but also deepen your bond in ways that will last a lifetime. And I would love to hear from you how the journaling prompts are going. And don't forget to subscribe to the peaceful home podcast. So you don't miss next week's episode. Thanks so much for being here and I will see you soon. Take care.