Episode 103: Why You Keep Hitting a Wall No Matter How Hard You Try

Feeling like no matter how hard you try, you just keep hitting a wall?
You’re not alone! In this episode of the Peaceful Home Podcast, we’re uncovering why—even when you plan, organize, and give it your all—you still feel overwhelmed and burnt out. The truth is, your brain and body are working overtime to keep you safe. If you’ve ever wondered why pushing through sheer willpower doesn’t seem to work, this episode is for you!

What’s Inside This Episode:

• The Hidden Truth Behind Burnout:
  Discover how your nervous system’s stress response (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) is not a sign of weakness but a survival mechanism.
• Why Willpower & Motivation Aren’t the Real Problem:
  • Learn why your brain blocks access to motivation when it’s overloaded.
  • Understand that willpower is a finite resource—like a battery that drains under constant stress.
  • Find out why forcing through isn’t the answer, and how working with your brain can make all the difference.
• The Impact of Overstimulation:
  • Hear how constant noise, endless to-do lists, and the mental load of motherhood can overload your brain.
  • See why your brain isn’t designed to juggle a million things at once, and why this leads to that familiar wall.
• Practical Tools for a Quick Reset:
  • Get actionable tips on micro-break exercises to calm your nervous system.
  • Discover simple techniques—like deep breathing and sensory grounding—that you can use anytime, anywhere.
• Real-Life Examples:
  • Listen to relatable stories of how small shifts in self-care can lead to big changes in your day.

Downloadable Resource:

Download Your Free Micro-Break Guide Here!
Use this practical guide to implement the micro-break exercises discussed in the episode and start resetting your nervous system today.

Join the Movement:

If you loved this episode, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with a friend who could use a break from burnout. For more tips on creating a peaceful home, join our community at Aligned Moms Society—a space designed to support moms just like you on the journey to a calmer, more connected life.

Connect & Support:
🔗 Seeking personalized support? Book a discovery call at: askparentingtherapist@gmail.com
💌 Loved this episode? Help us reach more moms by sharing it with a friend or leaving a rating and review.

Follow along for more insights:

• YouTube: Coming Soon
• Instagram: @parentingtherapistpam
• Facebook: @pamgodboiscoaching

Join Our Community:
👩‍👧‍👦 The Aligned Moms Society: Join Here
Check Out Living CALM: A resource for moms on this journey to healing and raising compassionate, confident kids.

Transform your stress into a moment of calm and discover the power of working with your brain. Enjoy the episode!

The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Transcript

Pamela: 0:00

Hey there. And welcome back to the peaceful home podcast. My name is Pam Godboys and I am your host. And today we're talking about why, no matter how hard you try, you still feel stuck in that cycle of burnout. You're doing all the right things, planning, organizing and pushing through, but it's still not enough. I'm going to break down why this keeps happening and how you can finally get out of survival mode. Ready? Let's dive in. You've made the lists. You've set the alarms. You've even bought the fancy planner. And yet here you are exhausted, overwhelmed, and wondering why everything still feels so hard. Maybe you even asked yourself, why can't I just get it together? Or why does this feel impossible when other moms seem to handle it just Fine. I hear you. And I want to let you in on something that might just change everything for you. You're not failing. You're not lazy. You're not bad at this. Your brain and your body are actually protecting you. And they've been doing it for a very long time. See, most of us have been taught that if we just tried harder, we'd be able to manage everything. But the real reason you keep hitting a wall has nothing to do with effort and everything to do with how your brain is wired For survival your nervous system has one job to keep you safe and when it senses overwhelm exhaustion or threat Even if that threat is just the chaos of your daily life. It shifts into protection mode and this looks like Snapping at your kids feeling easily irritable controlling everything to feel safe Imagine this, it's 7. 30am and you're already on edge. Your tween is refusing to put her shoes on, your toddler just spilled an entire bowl of cereal, and your partner, who is right there, is somehow oblivious. You can feel the irritation building up. Your voice gets sharp. Why is it so hard to just listen the first time? You're barking orders, slamming the dishwasher shut way harder than necessary, feeling the need to control everything because if you don't, everything will spiral into chaos. And then comes the guilt, the, I shouldn't have snapped or why can't I be more patient with my kids and my spouse? But what's really happening here is your brain is sensing. Overwhelm as a threat and your nervous system is shifting into fight mode to take control of the situation. Next up, flight, right? This is where you're consistently feeling like you need to do more clean, organized plan just to avoid the discomfort of slowing down. Imagine this, it's 9 PM and you finally get the kids to bed. You're exhausted. You know you should sit down and rest, but the second you do so, You feel uneasy. The dishes in the sink start to call you. The laundry that's been in the dryer for three days needs folding. You suddenly have the urge to reorganize your junk drawer or deep clean the fridge and you tell yourself, if I can just get a little more done, maybe I'll feel less stressed. But you never get to the feeling less stress part because there's always more to do. What's really happening here, your nervous systems is stuck in flight mode, making you feel like you have to keep moving, doing or fixing because slowing down feels unsafe. Next up, my personal favorite freeze. This can look like procrastination zoning out on your phone or feeling unable to make simple decisions. Imagine this you have 15 things on your to do list today. You need to book the dentist appointment pay the overdue bill Reply to the school email, figure out dinner, not to mention managing that work project. But instead of tackling it, you find yourself sitting on the couch, scrolling Instagram, unable to start any of it. The more you think about everything you should be doing, the heavier it feels, your brain goes blank. Maybe I'll start this later, you think, but later never comes and you still can't bring yourself to do it. So now not only are you overwhelmed. You're also frustrated with yourself. What's really happening? Your brain is overwhelmed with too much input. So your nervous system slams on the brakes and puts you into freeze mode, making even the smallest task feel impossible. And finally, FON. This is the people pleasing, saying yes when you really mean no, taking on too much, and avoiding disappointing others. So imagine this your friend asks if you can help organize a school fundraiser you automatically respond Of course happy to help except you're not happy to help you're feeling you're already drowning in responsibilities But saying no feels wrong. What if they think you're selfish? What if they don't ask you next time? So, you add one more thing on your already packed plate, even though it means sacrificing the tiny bit of downtime you had planned for yourself. And when your partner asks, Why do you always do this to yourself? You feel defensive, because deep down, you don't know how to stop. What's really happening here is your nervous system has learned That saying yes, keeps you safe and avoids conflicts helps keep other people happy and ensures that you stay needed. The bottom line, none of these responses mean you're failing as a mom. They mean your nervous system is overwhelmed and trying to protect you. The good news. Once you recognize these patterns, you can start shifting out of survival mode without pushing yourself to the brink, Let's get real for a second. If you've ever felt like if you could just get your act together, everything would fall into place. You're not alone. Many moms think the secret to feeling better is just finding the right motivation or pushing through with more willpower. You may even feel like you just need to try harder. Chances are that comes from an early life story. But here's the kicker. Willpower and motivation are not the root problem and depending on them just won't get you the results that you're looking for. Here's why. Your nervous system blocks access to motivation when it's dysregulated. When your nervous system is in overdrive, it's like trying to start a car without an engine. Your brain goes into survival mode, shutting down higher levels of functioning, like decision making planning and accessing motivation, think about it. When you're overwhelmed, you feel mentally exhausted and everything feels like it requires extra effort. Motivation can feel just out of reach and willpower seems to disappear. But here's the thing about willpower. Now, imagine willpower as a battery. When it's fully charged, you feel capable, focused, and ready to tackle challenges. But when you're constantly under stress, that battery drains. Every time you push through on willpower alone, you're depleting your energy stores. By the end of the day, or by the end of just a few weeks, the battery is totally drained. Then comes the emotional crash, the guilt, the frustration, the burnout, because you can't force your way through survival mode. Think about it this way. Your brain is just trying to keep you safe. When it senses danger like Overwhelming responsibilities or emotional stress or your kids screaming, it shifts into survival mode. When you're in survival mode, you can't force your way through. It's like trying to run a marathon with a broken leg. You're going to hit a wall. Instead of pushing through harder, you need to work with your brain to reset your nervous system, recharge your mental energy, and give yourself permission to rest. But let's talk about overstimulation for a moment. If you're a mom, you already know how overwhelming it can feel to just be present in your daily life. From the minute you wake up, you're bombarded by noise, demand, and interruptions. This constant overstimulation isn't just tiring. It's downright taxing on your brain. Now let's break it down. The noise that never ends, right? Your kid asking for a snack, the sound of the TV or video games blasting in the background, the incessant chatter of voices competing for attention. You may feel like you never get a moment of quiet to think, let alone rest. Constant noise creates mental fatigue because your brain is forced to filter out distractions constantly, even when you don't. Consciously notice it. This makes it harder to focus or calm down your thoughts. Then we've got the mental load of the constant decision making as a mom, right? You're holding a mental to do list longer than your grocery list. And it includes everything from remembering your kid's soccer practice schedule to tracking whether your partner called the plumber. There's always something to plan, think about, and decide. When your brain is constantly engaged in decision making, it doesn't get the chance to rest. This leads to decision fatigue, where every little choice feels draining, even if it's something as small as choosing what to have for dinner. If you've ever decided to go out to dinner as a family, and your spouse says to you, where do you want to go? Or you put it out to your family, what would you like to have for dinner or where would you like to go? And nobody's able to make a choice. I've got a really great guy in my life who is constantly wanting to know what my opinion is, right? Where do I want to go to eat? What feels like a good fit for me? What do I want to have for dinner? He's willing to make me something and sometimes even these decisions feel so Overwhelming and I get so frustrated that it all lands on me. That's the mental load And then there's that emotional and relational weight on top of all the practical tasks. You're also juggling emotions, your own and everyone else's. You feel responsible for your kid's emotional wellbeing, your partner's needs, the state of your home and relationships. You're managing household dynamics, making sure everyone feels heard and supported and trying to hold it all together emotionally. That's a lot to carry. It can feel like there's no space left in your brain to focus on what actually matters, what you actually need, like self care, rest, or simply being able to process your own emotions. Now, if you're like me and you're a kid of the eighties, this is not something that we learned how to do. So it actually takes effort. Hopefully we're doing it with our kids so that it doesn't take as much effort for them. But right now, processing of emotions is effortful. And there's the impact of technology and social media, right? We're living in an era where our brains are constantly being distracted by technology. Notifications pinging, emails flooding in, social media comparisons. The constant dopamine hits make it even harder to settle into a relaxed state. These distractions not only take time away from important tasks, but also fuel overstimulation, leaving your brain in an endless loop of multitasking, which drains cognitive resources. And to be quite honest, your brain isn't designed for this much input. The human brain wasn't designed to handle this level of overstimulation, the amount of stimulation we have now in the modern world, in our modern lives. We are exposed to more information, more tasks than any previous generation. It's no wonder that we're feeling fried. It's like trying to run a computer with too many programs open at once. The mental energy needed to process all this input leaves us feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, even when we're doing normal activities. Here's the thing to remember. When you're overstimulated, your brain is constantly working in overdrive. Processing, filtering, and reacting to all the information coming in. This makes it much harder to access motivation and to make clear decisions, leaving you stuck in a cycle of overwhelm and burnout to break the cycle. We need to give your brain a break. So start by taking intentional steps to regulate your nervous system and manage the input. That's constantly bombarding you. So how do you do that? Right? So let's look at how do we actually break this cycle? As I've already said, you don't need to push through. This is about resetting your nervous system. So step one is you have to recognize the signs that you're stuck in a stress mode. You have to recognize what's going on or what the symptoms are for you that are your red flags, your indication that your nervous system is. Out of whack. And here are some symptoms that you might experience. Maybe you feel like your brain is in a fog and simple tasks feel overwhelming or you're more snappy reactive and emotionally drained than usual. You go from go, go, go to complete shutdown and numbness. You start avoiding things, you know, need to get done, like email, laundry, phone calls. You feel like you never have enough time. No matter how much you do, you start avoiding strategies that you know are helpful when you're feeling the way that you are. You find yourself wanting to go to bed at 6 PM and you could literally sleep for 14 hours. If any of these sounds like you, your body isn't broken. It just needs help shifting out of the stress mode. You have mystery pains, muscle tension, or discomfort in your body. If this sounds like you, your body isn't broken. It just needs help shifting out of the stress mode because stress not only drains our emotional battery, it also puts wear and tear into our body. So before you try to power through your to do list, pause and reset your nervous system. So here's how we're going to do this. First, we're going to stop. So before jumping into another task, take one full minute to check in with your body, place one hand on your heart, one hand on your abdomen and ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? What bodily sensations are happening for me? Am I tense? Am I tired? Am I overwhelmed? Do I feel pain or discomfort? Do I notice my hands resting on my heart and my abdomen? Do I notice a pinch between my shoulder blades? Can I feel my feet on the ground or my bottom on the seat? Just take a full minute to check in to your body's experiences. This is where the work always begins. Next up is to breathe. So, I'm going to instruct you here to do box breathing. Box breathing is real simple. You imagine that you're tracing a box, like with your finger if you like a visual, but you breathe in for a count of four seconds, you hold for a count of four, you exhale for a count of four, and you hold the exhale for a count of four, and then back around to the inhale. So, as if you're tracing a box, four even sides, inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four. Exhale for a count of four. Hold for a count of four. Let's do it right now. Just take a moment. Place your hand, one hand on your heart, one hand on your abdomen. Close your eyes and just tune into the body for a moment. Just notice where your body is in space. How are you feeling right now? Do you notice any tension, any pain, any overwhelming sensations? Bring your awareness to the tip of your nose and breathe in for a count of four, three, two, One and hold. Four. Three. Two. One. Breathe out. Four. Three. Two. One. And hold. Four. Three. Two. One. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Hold. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Hold. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Hold. One more. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Hold. How do you feel? Just check in with yourself. Doing something like box breathing tells your brain that you're safe. If you're feeling stuck, like if you're in freeze or exhaustion, you can literally shake your hands, roll your shoulders, move your body for like 10 seconds to release any tension. Just think about, you can do it with your kids, right? Just shake out your arms, shake out your legs, move your body 10 seconds, and then let your arms rest in your, your hands rest in your lap or by your sides and just take a few breaths and just notice the energy kind of moving through. You can also touch something grounding, right? Place your hand under warm water, hold onto like a soft blanket or a smooth rock. Press your feet into the floor. These small sensory shifts help bring you back to the present and then move slowly. So if you feel like you have too much to do, take one tiny action, even if it's just standing up or picking up one item. This signals your brain that you're in control instead of stuck in the stress mode. Another strategy that you can bring into your day to day life is taking micro breaks to rest your system throughout the day. Moms don't have time for hour long self care routines on a regular basis. It's great when you do, and I definitely recommend stepping away. but Tiny nervous system resets throughout your day can change everything. So try some of these quick breaks for 30 seconds, sigh deeply and let your shoulders drop. You can be driving in the car for that, right? Take a breath in. And when you breathe out, just let it sigh out your mouth. Let your shoulders drop down. Do that a couple of times, right? For one minute, step outside and take three slow deep breaths in through the nose, out through the nose and focus on breathing into the belly. Like not up into the shoulders, but into the belly. For two minutes, you can rub your hands together to create warmth and then just simply place them over your heart for five minutes, put your feet up, close your eyes, listen to a song that makes you feel good, right? These are all micro breaks that help to signal to your system that you're safe. It'll let your nervous system know that you're okay. And this helps you to feel calmer before you hit that wall. And finally, what we think and what we say matters so much. So it's really important to start to shift your self talk because your brain will believe anything you tell it. So it's really important to start to shift your self talk. Try making some of these shifts instead of things like, Oh, why can't I get it all together? Or I should be able to handle this or I don't have time to stop. Try my body is protecting me right now. I'm allowed to feel the way I feel. I can take small steps forward. I don't have to push through. I can pause and reset. The idea here is the more you say it, the more you think it, the more your brain believes it, the more your nervous system starts to understand that you get it and it can back off. It does not have to step in and rescue you. When there's no real threat of life or death, which is what the nervous system and the fight or flight is all about. So remember, this is not about working harder. It's about working with your brain, not against it. Your body isn't failing you. It's just trying to keep you safe. When you start to feel overwhelmed, try one of today's nervous system resets before pushing through. And here's your challenge. Next time you feel like you're hitting a wall, stop and try one of the resets that I shared today. Pay attention to how your body feels before and after. Your body is your best indicator of what is going on. Let me know how it goes. I love hearing your stories, so send me those DMs and emails and tell me what you notice. And be sure to come back next week where we're diving into why your nervous system controls more than you think and how to break free from the constant stress mode. So stay tuned. Thank you so much for being here and I will see you guys soon.